I can't believe I've gotten to this point... this is the last day on the job as a graduate assistant as SLIS. I've got 2 hours to go and nothing to do as usual! It was bittersweet (yet much more sweet) up until this point, now I'm just really really eager and excited to start my new life. I will terribly miss my girlfriends from the office, especially Meredith, Stephanie, Monique, and Melanie. Dr. Irwin has taken care of me here- she's given me opportunities to blossom (IYLC) and has been full of praise and kindness (giftcards, flowers, and letters of recommendation). Like me, Monique tends to be a bit more serious but has her moments of completely letting loose. We'd talk shoes, being healthy, and bigger issues in life). Steph was always a riot, livening this place up. She would take me from a serious mood into a giggly, fun mood. Melanie and I completely understand each other- she is the grown up version of my Type A, OCD personality! She was my friend and my mother-away-from-home. Finally, Meredith is my Best GA Friend Forever. lol We would have the funniest, oddest conversations about anything and everything, get in side-hurting laugh attacks, and had a blast ripping Sue London apart. We are going through the exact same thing at the exact same time, so we were often shoulders for each other, listening and suggesting.
I went to yesterday ripping my hair out waiting for the phone call from Olivia saying underwriters have completed our application validation. I was even more livid when 6pm came and I still hadn't heard anything (the time kept getting pushed later and later, with 6 being the latest). At 6:10, I was walking to my car and I got the phone call- the underwiters approved Mike and I for our home loan. Wow. Incredible! It was a very very clean conditional report, needing only clearer copies of drivers licenses 2 forms amended on Olivia's side. WE HAVE A HOUSE!!!!!!!! Absolutely Incredible!!! For this past month and a half, I wanted that house so badly, but I wouldn't let myself get excited about it because we had still so many hoops to jump through. All of the processes went very smoothly. However, it was the last one that I was scared about the most. The underwriters were either going to make it or break it. All of it. Mike and I have talked about our new life in this house together every day for the past, but I have honestly seen all of those conversations as ways to make me not so pesimistic. For the first time in my life, I was worried to death. The anxiety was consuming- about just on the same level as student teaching was. This is my first day throughout this entire process that I have not needed an anxiety pill. On some weekend days, I wouldn't take one, but I knew I could use one because the thoughts were all still there. Today, no bad thoughts! No worries! Don't worry, be happy, be free!
O gosh... so now that I'm thinking I have nothing to be worried about, I realized I still have one thing left- saying goodbye to Heather tomorrow. Our lives as hanging out just about every weekend is over. Never again. OK STOP. I cannot do this anymore. I will deal with it when it comes, but I won't fret about it is advance. Gosh my anxiety kills me! lol

Yellow! Today is the interim day between ensuring our mortgage is going through. Thus, I am quite anxious today! I have to type my thoughts out just to externalize them.
Yesterday we received the appraisal and while we are good to go, there were good points and bad points with it. First of all, the sellers bough the house only 3 years ago for $176,000, $6,000 cheaper than what we purchased it for. The reason why we went near asking price is because their agent told us they couldn't really go any lower. Hmmm.... The house is also worth only $2G more than what we paid for it in the current market ($184,000). However, the two pieces of good news is that the house is actually worth $194,300. So really once the market recovers, that is equity in our pocked, which is a fantastic thing. The other good thing is that there are zero glitches or hold-ups with the house since it is worth more than what we bought it for. Yay! Today is the interim day because tomorrow we should receive the loan back from the underwriters, approving us for our mortgage. This is the biggest, most scary part of buying the house yet. I was anxious enough with the inspectors because I thought everything was riding on the inspection and the problems with the house (none!) because we were already pre-approved and knew getting a loan wouldn't be the issue. However, the tables has turned on us and we had to completely start over again! Thus, back to square one- everything is riding on mortgage approval (duh).
I just talked with Olivia today and she assured me there are zero red flags and nothing we should be worried about with getting approved. She said that Mike's income is enough to be approved. Let alone the fact that my credit score is so amazing is another big added bonus. She said while its not done until we receive confirmation, we should definately be getting excited! lol
It's getting really exciting simply being in the apartment as well- it's really bare bones now, especially our kitchen and it's cabinets. I have been so on-top of packing that I probably only have a few hours left. I'll prolly go on another packing frenzy Saturday. Comcast really came through and provided me with a ton of moving boxes for free (on-campus promotion) as well as a girl that recently moved in to the apt. across from me. I found some massivelys-sized boxes in the trash yesterday... Perfect for things such as my comforter and table lamps.
Anyways, I should be getting productive here at work. Journaling has definitely helped once again in calming my nerves. You know, I've learned that I absolutely hate reflecting as a requirement (such as for Ball's Library Systems), but I adore it and find it healthy for my own personal random thoughts and events... hehe

Ok I got totally distracted yesterday. By the time I realized I didn't finish my journal entry, it was time to go to class! As I was saying...

I'm trying to tell myself (and my stomach) not to worry about anything. Don't get anxious. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it anyways. I can't speed them up. I can't micromanage Olivia and know exactly what it going on at every second to ensure productivity. But I can be patient and wait. I can also still let myself get excited, despite my fears! Olivia is 100% confidant at this point that we will still get our closing date (and time!). I've got to tell you how impressed I already am with her. She sent me the documents needed to sign at 7:11 pm last night. After class, I went home and looked all the documents over before calling her. I left a voicemail saying not to call me back because it's so late (8:30 at this point) and she still immediately called me right back! She was very nice and easy to talk to. So this morning I sent back everything and Mike was in there at noon signing his documents. I believe she said the loan app would go to the underwriters today. They will have it back within 5 (business?) days, so thats one week from now, 2 business days prior to closing. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed! Going with FHA now, I am totally confidant that our loan will get approved just fine. Mike's credit has even been bumped into the Good range (from poor!). Our income is $72,000 and our debt to income ratio is 37%. Not bad. Especially not bad at all given all of those debts are student loans, which are the good kind of debt.

It's really hard knowing how close we're cutting it. I'll be nervous up until the end I'm sure. However as I previously said, I just have to work on staying excited and confidant and not let me fears get to me, because I really cant do a damned thing about it. Thus, we don't have bad news so I am happy and excited we are buying our first home :) I am starting to pack up the last of the apartment now and it feels great. The only clothes that are hanging are ones I know I will def wear. Only one belt. Only essential kitchen supplies. Even parts of the computer are being packed such as the speakers and printer. It's fun writing room names on the boxes. Our house is so big, it needs a room name! I especially liked the new room name, "office." Haha! I was so excited while I was touring Crimson Maple, and it's been so long, that I don't even remember what the upstairs looks like other than the master bedroom! I don't even know what the office looks like! If I did I'm sure I would already be going OCD planning the layout of the office. Imagining where bookshelves and wall shelves need to go. lol As funny as it is, I have always dreamed of having my very own office. A room just for me and organization and reading and productivity! lol I already know what colors I want to paint rooms too. haha I want the office to be a tan/gold, the downstairs to be beige, the master bedroom to be blue/gray, and I have even already picked out the exact paint color for the shutters. ha Valspar Royal Navy. Gosh I'm Type A!

Ok so my optimism was short lived. We just received word yesterday from Rita that our mortgage insurance was denied due to the debt to income ratio. It's at 43% and they will not accept anything over 41%. The $17,000 in student loans is the problem. The only problem I have with their decision is that the $17,000 will be repaid over 10 years- it's not a lump sum payment I'm expected to pay back this year! Thus, shouldn't they be looking at my monthly or yearly debt to income ratio to understand how much of my income is actually going to pay my debts? Geesh... either way, I won't get approved for a conventional loan now. Rita has spent some time trying to make it work, but it won't, so she has set me up with Olivia from First Midwest Mortgage to do an FHA loan. The only perk about going with this type of loan is that Mike will be on the loan and application now- so it will greatly help his credit for a future business loan. My stomach has been in knots for the past 30 hours since I was told about all of this. We only have one and a half weeks until we close! Can a whole new mortgage get done by then?! Apparently, Olivia says yes- she can do it given 5-7 days. There are 8 business days left until May 12th closing.
I've been in contact with her today several times, and she intitially said I'd receive all documents to sign by 2pm. Then it was pushed to 5 because of a meeting. At 5:15 she said she just got back from the meeting and is working on sending those to me now. It's 5:40 and I still have yet to get the documentation to look over. Tonight's going to be crazy. I have class, then need to look at the documents, then call her and hope she picks up despite it being well past her work day to answer my questions and review over the process. She has ordered the appraisal today, and say's it should be back by Monday. Fingers crossed.
I'm trying to tell myself (and my stomach)

O mi goodness, SO much has happened in this past month. So much that that's my very excuse for not writing as things were progressively happening...
Mike and I bought a house!!!!! It's completely for sure now, since this past Friday. So here's our story of buying our very first home: After Mike's TA sale was final, we were completely ready to start looking as official home buyers. I went mad that week compiling a list of 5 houses we were to tour that following Saturday (April 4th). There was always one house that topped my list, the one on Crimson Maple, that is now our house :-P After viewing all 5 houses, it was down to the one on Ashford and Crimson Maple. Ashford was $10,000 cheaper but in the end we decided to go with Crimson Maple because of the location, the fact that it needed zero work, it had the wow factor with the architectural styles, and the location! We put in an offer of $174,000 plus sellers pay $3500 for closing costs. We found out that the sellers couldn't sell it for much under asking price because they're in the middle of a divorce and are losing money on it anyways. We came back at $182,000 plus closing costs and they accepted. The next step was the inspection, and that just got finalized this past Friday. Overall, the house is in amazing condition. The inspector says the roof has a minimum of 10-15 years, and the new water heater, air conditioning, and septic as well as the windows are very high hend models. The inspector told Mike it is in much better condition than he expected a 12 year old house being. :) All repairs were minor, being the septic chamber got some dirt in it so dirt needs to be removed and vent replaced, microwave control panel is loose, garbage disposal intermittently works, and window crank needs replaced. On Friday, after the sellers were getting estimates all week, acknowledged that they will pay for all repairs! Woohoo!!! That is a rarity- especially for the really minor ones! So Mike and I are SO excited, its a done deal :) We have a house! The first year's homeowners insurance has been paid, out addresses have been changed beginning May 11th. We are still waiting on the appraisal, but everyone says it should come in just fine with what we paid for the house. The only thing I'm worried about it the economic downturn and how houses are getting appraised for much less than anticipated. But regardless, we are getting the house, even if it means we have to renegotiate the price. I went home last weekend to look for living room furniture with my mom, and this past weekend Mike came down and it was purchase :) It is a gorgeous tan couch and loveseat from Value City Furniture. 2 leather chairs have already been purchased, as well as a coffee table, sofa table, accessories, including pillows, and an office L-shaped desk. So we're good to go! The apartment is quite bare, except for big pieces of furniture and massive furniture boxes of our newly bought furniture just described.
I only have 2 weeks of work left, then graduation weekend! Monday morning we will pick up the moving truck and with Scott, Mike, and Chris, I bet we will be ready to leave for Granger in under 3 hours! I am going on a massive packing frenzy starting next week, packing absolutely everything and will be eating off of paper plates and plastic utensils! Microwavable dinners have even been purchased already! lol So yep, we are ansxious and ready to start our new lives together! We keep joking that we are establishing roots :) haha So funny but true. I am also really anxious to start my new job. For some reason I got really nervous this past weekend imagining being the boss, but overall I am very excited and ready to get in and begin. I think I just have to keep telling myself that I can obviously handle it with no problems if they even thought I was qualified enough being a newbie librarian. It IS a small library and I do have Jane training me, so I shouldnt have anything to worry about. I think I just have to not even allow myself to get anxious and nervous and just stay really anxious to STart! I do have great people skills and everybody seems to really like me, so really, being the boss should be no big deal at all. I've even gone out shopping this past weekend to buy some more appropriate professional librarian clothes to look the part! I think looking the part each morning will be a big self confidence booster as well. If I look and feel good, I will be good. :) Yeah!

Ok, I am SO bored and SO blah, I SO don't want to be here in this office right now. I can't even work! Miss ever-so-productive is too tired and blah to work, how rare! It all is stemming from outside concerns and frustrations. I am eager anticipating if Mike got the title for the TA in the mail today. It should have came by yesterday, but we're waiting till today (or less than 30 minutes) to make the phone call that something is screwed up. He can't sell his car, which means we can't add the $12,750 to the account, which means I can't send in our supporting documentation for the home loan pre-approval. Not until we we get the stupid little title. The other thing we should have received in the mail by now, and I'm also eagerly anticipating STOP! Mike called, he got the title! WAHOO! Yay, God was listening to me :) Thank you God :) So one frustration is out of the way. Dunbar Mortgage should have all of our documentation tomorrow! The other thing I am waiting for in the mail is the Good Faith Estimate from them. He sent it in the mail on Thursday. Coming from South Bend, I should have received it by now. Thus, if I don't receive it today I will have to call again to resend it or fax it. However, I probably am once again talking too soon and it is sitting in my mailbox right now! ha I REALLY don't want to be here right now. I really just want to go home and check my mail and deal with house stuff. I want to go to the grocery store then stop at a dollar store to find more house bargains! lol Ok I know this is bad if I just checked my time log to see if I would be losing much by clocking out now. Unfortunately, I would be. I also can't make up the hours on Friday afternoon because I'm driving home then to house hunt Saturday! Gosh, I can't wait until Saturday. That's ALL I can think about. I also can't stop thinking about, in realtion to that, finding a house we love AND putting in an offer that very same day! Hopefully we will officially be pre-approved by then to not have any reason not to be able to put in an offer. Let's check out those houses again....

Another couple weeks have passed since I have written in here, so while I'm not much in the mood to think, I'm sure I can conjure up some things to update you with! It's really quite nice, although quite boring to have absolutely nothing to do here at work. This is actually the way it was for my first several months on the job. Ironically enough, I'm on my last couple of months now- only 2 1/2 to go! Wow... it will so be over before I know it. Kind of exciting. Yet scary. I've been having a decent amount of anxiety lately because of the job situation. There's not many positions open and available right now. I have applied for all I am applicable for, that's of course within a whopping 25 miles from Granger. That only account to 3 jobs. Hmmph. I am however religiously checking job sites every single day though. I am still waiting on hearing back from La Porte CPL. I would be so ideal for that job, and it would be so ideal for me. The other one I like that I've applied for is the Assistant Director to the Alliance in Catholic Education at Notre Dame. The pay is quite nice, in the 40s, and it's super nice how close I am to ND versus La Porte. I can't even mentally get the the point in thinking if I were offered both jobs, which one I would take. I'm just plain-ol hoping that I at least get an interview. I just hate how long the whole job process takes. First it becomes vacant, then weeks later they post it, then they have to wait weeks to get a decent amount of people applying to choose from, then they have to weed the applicants, then they call, then they schedule the interviews, then they hold the interviews which could be weeks, then they make their decision, then Leen gets hired!!! WPHEW. Too much; too long. I can see how so many people are getting their homes forclosed on. By the time they lose their jobs, it takes months and months until they get another one lined up. I guess it goes to show you how important networking can be. You have to have that "in" to bypass the entire process and simpyl get hired because they already know you and know you'd be perfect for the job.

So what else... Mike just bought a new truck yesterday. I am very happy for him :) He's been talking about it for soso long now because of how awful the Prizm is. He got really smart an started looking for something that wouldnt deplete our house savings. He also needed something now and paid for in cash. We won't be able to get a car loan the same year (before or after) we buy a house. Too many new giant loans. So he found a 1993 Chevy S10 for $1050! The best part is that it's got only 75,000 miles. The worst part is that it is totally embarressing looking! Mike's got some super ideas for it, including repainting, thank god! Another awesome part is how much Mike loves it already. He really is super pumped to have bought it, so that makes me happy :) A car loan is already built in to the to-be monthly budget, so he just has to wait another year or so to be able to get an actual nice daily driver and not a beat-up pickup truck.

Wedding plans are moving right along. I've spent the last couple of days meeting individually with Heather and Hailey to pick and buy their bridesmaids dresses. It was quite fun, and the both absolutely love their dresses, which makes me totally happy. Because they are so involved in my wedding, I really wanted them to feel just as gorgous as I do on my wedding day. I know that's not your typical bride talk (it's all about me, me, me!), but I really want them to look good and feel good! I wish there were more I could be doing with the wedding planning, but unfortunately my hands are kind of tied for the next couple of months. In 3 weeks we have the meeting at Blue Heron detailing the entire reception. After that, invitations will be ordered, and thats when things will start picking up. It's going to be a big task addressing all of those invitations that I expect to take a couple of weeks. So when all of that is said and done, it will be finally time to be acutally buying miscellaneous things (like wedding-cake shaped bubble wands!) and meeting with vendors to pick specifics out. Ohh and I cant wait to go with Mike and the groomsmen to get their tuxes! I so hope he'll let me join them and have some say. I actually think Mike will be happy I want to go, since he's not very decicive, nor likes making these types of decisions. But we'll see, it's still premature! I am also quite suprised how laid back I've been with the whole wedding planning process thus far. No obsessing or being bitchy! I am crossing my fingers it won't change as we get closer! Knowing me and my personality, I can definitiely see myself getting in tizzy's over super-anxiety. However... I am rather used to having anxiety and making decisions and delegating tasks. So maybe this wedding thing will be done and over with, with no issues from Mrs. laid-back-bride Welsch?! Hmm, thats another thing. How do I change my last name?? I suppose I will find out now...

May I just share my awesome possum news from yesterday- there was quite a lot, hence it was a pretty awesome day!

First off, I went to Dr. Irwin and asked her about the etiquite in asking Brent Stokeberry at La Porte about my application I sent in a week ago. She said to send him like a one-sentence email simply asking if he had received it- thats it... no prying or begging! I was SO excited to hear back immediately that "yes we have, thank you!" - I totally got excited just with the way he emailed me back, exclamation point! lol I know I'm a dork :-P But of course I always take the little things as signs!

Secondly, a few hours later Dr. Irwin called me into her office. Without being asked by Brent, she is so impressed with me that she *wanted* to write me a gushing letter of recommendation! I was SO deeply touched by her actions and sincerity with the letter. She went completely out of her way, time away from her own projects, just to help my chances in getting this job.  :) :) :) She said that someone else had done the very same thing for her when she was just getting out of college, and how this unsolicited act helped her get her first job. How touching is that? She immediately reminded me of Grandma, who has many times given me and loaned me money to help pay for my education. They do it out of the kindness of their own hearts, and because someone else had helped them in the very same way earlier in their own lives. It's like the act of kindness just keeps going around and around in a full multi-generational circle, never ending because you must pass on the buck. 

So if my day could not have gotten any better, I checked bank accounts (as I usually do every couple of days), and Mike received his $3000 tax refund! YAY! Free money! So I had the honor of transferring that $3000 over to our money market account- which currently brings our house fund to $4800! Wow! And as soon as I get my $1000, we'll easily be at $4800! I'm so proud of us and our money saving skills. We've been working really hard, being right with our spending money, by saving every last dime of our paychecks to deposit into the house fund. I'm also equally proud of our strength in not spending ANY of our massive tax refunds. It was an automatic choice, even for Mike which is impressive, to put every last drop of that money into the house fund. He is really quite impressing me with his financial and life goals. He wants a house so friggin bad- definitely more than I even want! Last night on the phone he was so excited hearing our new massive house fund and he exclaimed that he's going to put his Trans Am up for sale, because that would surely put us over the top of our requirement as fast as possible! lol And he's so smart in knowing how quickly he wants to buy a house so we quit throwing away $600 a month in rent. While I whole-heartedly agree, the more conservative financial side of me says you must wait until it's been painful enough before you buy. ha I have no idea why I think that, but I do. I've attached a money amount to what we must have before we buy ($11,500), which goes above and beyond the down payment. It also includes closing costs (which I would like the sellers to pay for anyways), and a whopping $4000 in furniture costs since I know our house will be quite large and in need of much more furniture than we thus far own. I also am so conservative in my thinking that I don't even want to fit into a house thats more realistic for our current lifestyle of 2 people, but I want a house quite large enough that we wouldn't need to move for like 10 years at least! lol But despite knowing that our wedding money we receive in gifts could very easily put us over the limit. With that, I'm not sure if we should be getting a 6 month lease or a year lease? I don't want to be throwing our money away longer than we need to in rent, but at the same time, when is the right time to buy? How fast will we find a house we love after we just start the initial looking? When is the right time to get pre-approved? From what I'm reading, just as soon as you have the cash, since we have everything else in place (no debt, great credit score, long enough employment at our current jobs...).

Finally, related to the whole house issue, I learned yesterday from reading Cnn.Money.com that the new economic stimulus package that should be signed on Monday by President Obama includes a $15,000 tax credit for home buyers. The big difference between this new proposal and the current $7500 deal, is that this one is NOT a loan- it's simply more free money... in addition to the free money tax credits we'll be receiving thanks to getting married!

Well I suppose that is all the wonderful news I have to share for now. Hopefully I will be getting a phone call very soon from Mr. Brent Stokesberry asking for an interview. :-P

Well I'm back at work after a wonderful weekend back home in Granger. I am quite depressed to be back here. This is the second week in a row now that I have literally felt the physical symptoms of depression after I part with Michael. I think it has more to do with Michael- it's home, a sense of normalcy, being surrounded by loved ones. During the week it's just me and only me- working very hard and resting; nothing is exactly fun or enjoyable during the week because it's pure monotony and doing things I have to do. When the weekend rolls around and I see Michael or family and friends, a part of me truly feels alive, in which I don't feel during the week. Knowing another week requiring lots of energy from me and no Michael or fun makes me depressed. I've never even had this sense of physical exhaustion combined with being bummed out before. I just don't even want to get up in the morning. When I eventually force myself to (late to work as usual), I just can't wake up. I'm so beyond tired and exhausted with no energy the entire day, when finally the evening rolls around and I can go home and rest, I get even more depressed because the feelings just start rushing out because I'm so tired. It sux!
The only thing I can hope for it that the depression doesn't last very long (no more than 1 day), and that the weeks flies by. So far so good. 
While I don't feel like typing anymore, I'm going to push myself to write about this weekend- not only to keep this journal up-to-date with my life, but to possibly make me happier as well.
Friday night was an absolute blast- I didn't have any classes so I came into work for a few hours to make up lost time (from being late over the past 2 weeks!) and it was so beyond relaxed and easy. I then got off of work, laid around for a few hours before meeting Heather at Castleton movies to watch Bride Wars- Hilarious!! So much fun. We then went over to Houlihan's for a drink. Not only was I wearing my SATC Carrie shirt (the black one with the pink Carrie on it), but Houlihan's had SATC drinks- one drink each named after the main characters! So of course, I got the Carrie- it was fantastic! I got so pumped hearing about how this is the year that Heather's getting engaged! Yay! Apparently she was having a conversation with Chris about Jim moving out of the apartment for med school. Heather was saying how she's going to have to worry about getting another roommate somehow because she can't afford rent all on her own. Chris proceeded to tell her not to worry about it because they would be engaged by then! EEEeeee!! I can't believe this is finally happening to her! It is so her time to be beyond happy and excited for her future- especially with Chris as her husband! YAY!
After leisurely waking up at 9:30 Saturday morning, I got packed and made the drive to Granger. I was excited to find out that Hailey and Claire were in town too. Saturday was spent just relaxing and spending time with everybody. Hailey, Aaron, Mike and I even went to casino (Four Winds) together in the evening. It was definitely a good time with them :-) Sunday was spent having a massive lunch with everyone over (sooo good), Mike and I touring a house for rent (no good, too small), and then spending time together and relaxing for the rest of the day before I drove home at 7:30pm.
And so that right there was my weekend! Such good times- I can't wait to get back home- for good. Not only will I be living with Mike, for good, but everyone is very near me (unlike down here in Indy). While I enjoy Indy very much, nothing is better than knowing your hometown inside and out. This past year has been very enjoyable, but I still can't wait for the day to pack things up here and move back home. After work (one hour!!) I am stopping by the Harbour Pointe office to talk to them about moving out early. I hope they have a waitlist and won't charge me a big penalty for breaking the lease early.

Well I've had some very good luck! My first class of the semester has been canceled! What's odd is that our professor is even here... and so am I! lol Weather is pretty torrent outside though- so I bet a lot of students wouldn't even make it anyway. This is the first real winter storm down here in Indy. Last night it snowed 1-3 inches and was very cold (high of 18, low of 3). I was so frustrated driving to work today because nobody knows how to drive in the snow. As a result, it took me 45 minutes to get to school, when it should have been only 15-20. Grrrrr. Traffic was backed up from intersection to intersection, with everyone driving literally 15 miles and hour everywhere. It just made me so mad because last weekend when I went home, we had 1 1/2 feet of snow on the streets, unplowed, and everyone was still getting around just fine. But here, people can't even handle driving on packed down snow or slush! Anyways, it's been snowing all day long so I'm not sure how much has accumulated now, but I know it's going to continue over the night with very cold temperatures again. With the 25-50 mph winds, we're looking at around -25 degrees! Craaazzzzyyyy. So yeah, I suppose that's reason enough to cancel class. lol I am very glad that I opted on the safe (but wasteful) side by leaving my water running in the kitchen and bathroom all night and day. I am sure Miss Margaret has been having a blast all day playing with the water! She was a riot to watch last night. Initially I was perplexed by the sound coming from the kitchen. It was like a tapping metal sound. When I walked in, I realized she was in the sink, batting her paws against the small water stream, with her nails hitting the stainless steel sink. lol I continued to watch and giggle as she moved on to biting and staring at the water stream. lol I really don't know what I would do without her. She brings SO much joy and laughter to my life... especially now that Mike left and I'm all alone in the apartment during the week. She even gives me someone/thing to talk to that keeps me from going insane, or talking to myself. ha

Mike and I have also made a decision in regards to our home for the next year. We have been eager to buy a house for the past year, but now that we're getting very close to needing to make the actual move to do so, we realize we just aren't ready financially. What sucks is that emotionally, we are more that ready! We are gung-ho! We have been saving for a house for only a short while now and only have $1500. With me moving back up north in May, we would really need to move on things quick but since we don't have enough money to get a house just yet, it is stupid moving twice in one year. We are also hoping that we get a lot of money from the wedding to use as a down payment. There has also been speculations of Marlis giving us $30,000 which was Big Mike's wishes from his life insurance money. Eeee!!! But like I said, we aren't counting on it, nor acting like we know anything about it, since it's just what Matt told Mike. However, Mike does remember his dad saying before he died that Mike was going to inherit some money. Hmmm. So yeah! But anyways, with wedding money and saving for another year in an apartment, we will be more than ready for home ownership in the summer of 2010! So to comprise the apartment with the house, we've decided (moreso me) that we need more space to live in an apartment for another year. So we are going to get a 2 bedroom apartment, probably at Williamsburg on the Lake. The 2nd bedroom will be the office, and be full of storage furniture such as bookcases and wicker boxes. ha Can you see my visions? I have done a lot of wedding registering at JcPenney.com  that includes big furniture pieces, with the most-wanted being an L-shaped office desk/workstation. Funny enough, it has always been my dream to one day have an entire room designated as an office. I think it has something to do with loving organization, productivity, and a room full of office supplies. lol Office Depot, here I come!!! lol

Well, a month has gone by since my last entry. Fortunately, I can actually believe it this time without feeling guilt. About 10 days after that last entry, I went home to Granger for 2 1/2 weeks. I just came back this past weekend, and have been working at a pretty quick and productive pace here at work since Monday (today's Thursday)! It was really nice to be back at home that entire time. Actually, nice to say the least- more like loved it. lol I got to see Michael just about every day. I slept over at his house with him (cuddling!!) about 1/2 of the time. I also did basically nothing but read and go shopping during the day. No cooking or cleaning the entire 2 1/2 weeks as well :) It's actually quite a blur to me now. The first weekend- on Sunday, we had Claire's first birthday party. Aw it was such a blast watching her! She has blossomed into this energetic, outgoing, fun-loving little girl. She loved her pink cake and wasn't too shy with it. The best is when they discover they can put their face into it and gobble it up :-P

The next several days after that was in preperation for Christmas, with Christmas Eve following that next Wednesday. It was definately the best Christmas in many, many years! Not only did I get absolutely everything I wanted (including an old lady shopping cart, an aquamarine necklace, magazine subscriptions to Consumer Reports and Real Simple, and an ultrasonic jewelry cleaner) but having the babies there really brought everything alive. I don't know how many times we all just quit talking and starting laughing and ogling over what Claire and Emma were doing. Like for instance, when Claire opened up Elmo, she had this thing with sitting on it's face while it's moving around and talking! lol Almost pornographic! haha And then there was when music was being played and both babies started booty dancing on the couch. Of course they had to hold on to the back of the couch with their hands to keep balance, which made only their hips and butt move when they wanted to dance! lol Oh and then when Claire started to get fussy (cuz it was waaaay past her bedtime), Mike and I turned on the Backyardigans theme song on his new laptop we just got him. We had both girls sitting on our laps totally into the video, wiggling around trying to dance to it! hehe Great memories :) I can only wonder what next Christmas with them will be like.... :-) It makes me proud to be their aunt!!! Being an aunt really is the best of both wolds- you are so close to them, constantly around them watching them grow up, but never have to deal with them being around 24/7 and your life revolving around them, like if they were your own kids!

New Years came a week later. That was really good and fun but kind of awkard. It was over at Seth's house, also known as Sioban's house. lol So the first couple of hours we basically ignored each other. But knowing I was in her house, and I was the one who started the girl fight, I did my best to acknowledge her and say hi and smile. But since it was still awkward hours later, I decided to confront her and apologize to her about the past. While I was sorry for ending a relationship as I did, I am not sorry for having the feelings I did against her, putting her in the horrible friend file. Thus, the apology was quite weak, since I couldn't really say what I was actually sorry for, but I quickly transitioned the convo into asking her about her life now and what's going on. The party was also kind of awkward since Seth's entire family and their friends where there too. It was like old drunk white trash people galore. lol That led Mike and I into a deep conversation ourselves about how deciding that when you're grown up, you're either classy or white trash. There seems to only be those 2 types of adults anymore; the ones who grow up and become successful and those who don't want to grow up and despite having kids and other obligations, they still party their lives away with alcohol and drugs, drugs, drugs.

Finally, a few days after that I packed up and drove back to Indy with Maggie in tow. She was soooo good driving back down with, barely making a peep the entire time. The only sad thing I learned about her is how she really only wants a one-cat only house. She cannot handle other animals! She totally freaked out whenever Brandi was around.

Anyways, I probably should get going now. Back to work. Then again... what work? lol Today I have like Nothing To Do!!! Pretty awesome though... boring but awesome. :-) Later!

As I'm trying to keep up with my journal, I feel now is an especially appropriate time for another entry. I am working and bored. :-P I just have to keep the page scrolled down enough so that passer-bys don't see what exactly I'm doing! Things have been going quite well. I have had quite a bout of exhaustion frustration this past week, but I'm adjusting. Last week I began my new additional work hours of 15 hours- which puts me at 35 hours a week now! It was such an exciting thing being given the extra time- almost double, given my new-found lonely life-at-home without Mike there to keep me company, as well as the pressure of saving up tons of money for a house down payment. However, when it actually came down to actually putting in the hours and being at work 9 hours a day- o mi god- it is SO exhausting! I like how my day-to-day is: very easy going and not full of boredom (what it would be sitting at home doing nothing), but the act of staring at my computer screen for 9 hours a day is quite trying. In the end, it's worth it so I just need to suck it up. :-/

Money has gotten quite tight for this next 2 weeks. And of course you know me, I'm ALways thinking about money. it's unfortunately a bad trait I inherited from my mother! This is the paycheck week that reflects when Mike quit. Thus, instead of the normal $800 paycheck, we got $260 instead. Ouch :-/ So, with the cost of Mike's new Macbook (also because of his job), I now only have $200 remaining (was $1600) in my Money Market account. The good thing is, is that I will be getting another $2000 from student loans for next semester in about a month. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that loan money accessible! But I am definitely getting a good sense of what it means to financially be an adult now! Which I suppose is something I have always longed for. I just cant wait for the day that I get my own full-time job too - so we can actually be very financially secure. Ooo and all of the wedding money- thousands of dollars!! I bet a lot of that money will be used for furniture. We do have a lot of expenses coming up this year- but a lot of excitement too. You know, all of these costs wouldn't even occur if Mike and I weren't getting married. So in a way, these expenses are a very blessed thing! Buying our first home, buying new furniture to go in it, redecorating the place, plus the costs associated with a honeymoon are very very exciting costs, huh?! So I suppose I should be happy, excited, and feel very blessed to be shelling out so much money! lol

Enough for now- back to work :-)

O mi goodness- I cannot believe it's been 6 months since I last wrote in here- I was thinking maybe 2 months max... So I suppose bulk of this email will be updating you with my life and what's happened in the past 6 months. I'll save actually journaling for another time...

June- Not much happened- I had my birthday which wasn't too eventful and began gearing up for my move to Indy.

July- Nonstop packing from the beginning of the month through move-in-date of July 17. Lots of last minute catch-ups with friends before I left my home and my life I've always known in Granger. The first 3 weeks of the move, I was generally by myself. Mike got screwed by AM General and had to stay longer, which turned out completely pointless since they never granted his school leave anyways. I had those couple of weeks down here to organize the apartment just as I wanted, and to begin exploring my new city.

August- Mike officially moves in. He is suprisingly very easy to live with, and much cleaner than he was at home! He is very helpful, and making dinner was always a fun team effort. Every dinner was an elaborate meal, proud to show each other that we were capable of really living and eating like adults! Afternoons and evenings were often spent on long bike rides on the Monon and Greenway. Our biggest adventure was riding all the way into the city- to Mass Ave. and stopping to get a drink before we rode back in pitch black!

September- This month was getting hard on Michael, and even harder in the beginning of October beause he was unable to find a job- any job, let alone a good and decent one. In a hard routine with me being gone all day at work and class and Mike staying home being a "house husband!"

October- In the middle of the month, Mike finally got a job! At Donato's Pizza, he went through a rigorous training process that was to last 9 weeks. Majority of his time there was spent doing "bitch jobs" and working 50-60 hours a week, in which left Mike in a very unhappy mood most of the time. He was still easy to live with, just lots of complaining. We also got into the mode of living together- spending the week in relaxing and weekend either doing more of the same or hanging out with friends- together and seperately. Living our lives together really began to take shape this month- the "EEe!-ness" of finally living together was wearing down, but it felt so great to live day-in and day-out with each other, just being ourselves.

November- This is the month where our future lives really began to take shape. We starting building all kinds of future dreams. Our first idea of obtaining the American Dream was to become house flippers. We were obsessed with the tv show on HGTV. I read all kinds of books on it, and Mike started looking for jobs in the construction and carpentry business to begin learning the skills. In the mean time, we knew it was time to start saving hard for our first house. I created a budget and Mike turned his money over to "us". We are now saving several hundreds of dollars a month! Nothing ever came through with the construction jobs, so he began doing more creative thinking. He began to think that if he had to work in the pizza business, why couldn't he be doing the sides of the line of work that he knew and loved? Mike created a business proposal to John Cataldo of Bruno's in which Mike would be in charge of all operations and marketing of the entire company. John loved the idea. He started a week later. The last week of November, Mike moved back home.

December- The idea of not living with Mike anymore is still a new reality- it hasn't been even an entire week yet, but I am trying hard to accept the changes and not think sadly of this. Ultimately, I am more than excited for Mike and happy for us- Mike has finally found a career that he loved and is so completely motivated with. He is doing what he loves and he is in charge of his work schedule and day-to-day jobs. My #1 goal in life is to be happy- and there's no way I could if Mike wasn't. So I know this change is going to rock. I have also been asked to start working an extra 15 hours a week, bringing me up to 35 hours. I am also pushing up my graduation date. Thus, I am cramming my remaining 4 classes into Spring semester, and taking an internship (which will hopefully lead to a job) first summer session. Having a very busy schedule like this will hopefully keep me from being lonely and bored without Mike here. I hope to find an internship back home, so that I can move back home in May. Mike and I will hopefully have enough money saved up (or the Trans Am sold) to began our first-home hunt in the beginning of the summer!

Such exciting times are upon me now :)

I so can't believe I am actually living my own life. I look down at my diamond ring, and I still think "is this really mine?" I am getting married! Like, woah, I have been wanting and waiting for this for so long it's just still so surreal to me. It's like I'm afraid of getting used to the fact that I am getting everything I am been hoping for my entire life now. I have found a man who treats me like a princess and we have this loving and healthy relationship. On top of that, he's like a grown-up man now, who is taking life seriously, and seriously wants me to be a part of his life and never live without it being the two of us. We're moving in together! Gosh... we have been talking about this day the entire time we've been dating- almost 7 years now!!! That's 7 years of wanting this, and I finally have it now?!!! How weird!! lol It's all still so new to me, sometimes I just sit here like this now and really wonder if I'm in a dream or something! lol I suppose it is a good thing still thinking it's weird, because it's like I'm not taking the moment for granted at all. I'm totally treasuring and relishing in everything going on :)
I suppose I am acting like this again right now is because of yesterday- it was our 1st wedding planning Mike and I did together, with both sets of parents... we auditioned and booked our band- The Whistle Pigs!! It was just such a fun, magical moment- where the whole time I was bopping along to the music, I was imagining our wedding reception. Like I could actually see in my head Mike and I dancing together, to this music, surrounded by all of these people we love. Me in this beautiful white dress (that mom and I are going to start looking for next Tuesday!! EEE!) and Mike looking so gorgeous in his tux. It will be incredible!
I'm also starting to take my life here not for granted anymore. Like totally relishing in everything and everyone I have here. It's like I'm trying extra hard to remember all of the details. To absolutely love what I am surrounded with here, in my home. Because very soon (a month and a half) I will have a new home. A new home that will include just Michael and I. No more parents houses. Everything is ours. It's the start of living our life together- not only physically but actually sharing every day together, waking up and going to sleep, cooking and eating dinner, doing schoolwork with him always being close to me (talk about distractions!). It'll all be just the two of us! Weeeiiirrd!! lol It's all just so exciting, so amazing that all of my dreams have or will very soon come true. I am so blissfully happy. Not to mention what this new anti-anxiety medication is doing to me (Celexa)! I feel amazing- no more stressing about all of the details of my entire life right this very second. I'm just relaxed. It's this feeling that I was always hoping I would feel after finally finding medication that truly dealt with my anxiety. Ha I was telling mom yesterday how relaxed I've been feeling, and how I didn't feel the need to do my all of my schoolwork like right now, that I will do it later because I actually have time (I really do now -aka Know I do now!- lol). And of course, the parent who genetically gave me anxiety, was telling me that's not such a good thing! haha I was like, "yes it is! Try to live your live like I am now- it is wonderful actually realizing you have time now!" What's funny is that if Michael never came along, I probably would never know how out of control my anxiety was. Because it was always him who "refreshed" me and put me in a much healthier, calmer state. And I loved having that feeling- but I only knew how to have that feeling around him. And because I knew it was much better living in that calmer state, I actually got treated for it and feel wonderful now! God, do I sound like I'm high or what? High on life! harhar (nerdy laugh!) lol Geeze, well anyways, I guess that's all for now. Just wanted to share my newfound love of my dream-like life :) Goodnight!

My goodness it has been quite awhile since I've written! An entire school semester! But if it make me feel any better, it was my first official semester taking graduate level classes for my Masters in Library Science. The first few weeks were quite easy and I had a bit of time to myself, but basically since February, my life has been in the fast lane- trucking to get assignments done- at first months in advance, but now a day in advance! To update you since my last entry, I did officially get my savings up to $1100 plus an automatic transfer of $25 a month to my money market account (leftover school loan money). I quit spending money for months, and only recently have I begun to casually shop again. But casual is the magic word- I still feel bad for buying a short or two, and I never do my weekly shopping trips anymore. I shopped at LTD today (my weakness) and started out with 5 things in my "shopping cart", but ending up only buying 3 items that I absolutely needed/wanted. Pretty good, huh?! So the book definately made the difference in my life. 

The most recent event of my life is definately the most magical, amazing, wonderful-feeling event of my entire life thus far- I GOT ENGAGED!!!!! It was March 25th in Niagara Falls. Here's the story:

So about a month ago Mike asked me to go to Niagara Falls with him, and while it was a bit odd given the freezing temperatures to go on a vacation, I was pumped because I've *always* wanted to go see Niagara Falls. What was even more awesome was Mike and I just got passports, thanks to Carol from Christmas, so we would get to go to the Canadian side for our trip! So we got to Niagara Falls late Thursday night and just hung out before our big day in the city on Friday. Whats funny was all Thursday and Friday during the day, Mike kept raving about how "awesome Friday night is going to be"! I just assumed he was so pumped about it because we got reservations at the Skylon Tower (revolving restaurant) and a magic show afterwards. So after our fun day out exploring Niagara Falls and everything the city has to offer, we came back to the hotel to get changed into fancy clothes for our evening out. When I came out of the bathroom, all dolled-up, Michael was standing by the window with our beautiful falls view, and he looked at me and said, "Wow. Colleen, you look even more beautiful than the falls"- I melted! And he said, come over here and look at the falls with me. And after looking out for a minute, he pulled out a black journal and said that he got us a new little black book. And to give some history, ever since the start of our relationship, we've had this little black book in which we wrote letters to each other- basically love letters and random questions to get to know each other more, and we filled the book with pictures of us and things we've done and places we've gone. But about a year ago we filled up our little black book and it's been done. So he started a new little black book for us and said he already wrote a passage for me in it. Basically, this love letter talked about everything we've been through has been a test for the longetivity and strength of our relationship and how we've been through the best of the best and the worst of the worst together, and because we're still going strong, he knows without a doubt that we'll make it through all of life together. Things like that... :) And at the bottom of the second page, he said, "but there is still one question I have for you..." and I turned the page and colorfully written was "Will You Marry Me?", and I turned around all wide-eyed and grinning and he was down on one knee, holding out the sparkly ring, and I said, "Well, of course!" and we were almost late to dinner at the Skylon Tower because we couldn't stop hugging and grinning and being excited- but the dinner was just so romantic, especially after what just happened- it was just the awesomest night of my life :) So thats our story!

Our wedding in unofficially set for September 12, 2009! Mom and I have already found a reception site, The Blue Heron at Blackthorn, and the ceremony site- Queen of Peace Catholic Church. Mike thinks I'm going overboard, planning our entire wedding now. He jokes that I'll have it completely all done in one month. What he doesn't get is that nabbing the church and reception are the first 2 and most important things you need to do right off the bat. A few reception places already had September 12 booked this far in advance! I do admit I'm probably doing more planning than needed right now, but the rush of being engaged just so beyond motivates and excited me I want to envision how it will all play out- so I'm creating a wedding planner from my favorite magazine cut out pictures of dresses and cakes and reception ideas and flowers! It's Super Duper Fun! But nonetheless, our relationship is still going fantastically. He is so excited that he calls me fiance (as is fee-awnce) everyday, like "Goodmorning Fiance! How's my fiance doing today?!" It's sooo awesome :) 

I'm also so pumped for our upcoming life living together because in 1 1/2 weeks we are finding our new home/apartment in Indianapolis! I have 5 apartment complexes picked out and scheduled on Saturday to tour. I did quickly rule out the inner-city building apartments- basically due to me feeling more naturally safe in my environment- a complex on the west side of Indy (just within 465) looks a lot more like home, and its still only 15 minutes away from IUPUI, so I can definately see myself really living there. 

Well this is definately long enough for one entry. I hope to be on here soon again. Going 14 weeks between entries is a bit too long... :-P

Well, the name of my entry today sounds like a magazine, but it's really an unofficial movement that I'm undertaking. After reading one-hundred-some pages in the book of Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping,  I'm convinced it's something I want to do. Well first, there's no way in hell I'm living up to the writer of the book! But secondly, why not? So you see, what I'm doing is stopping myself from my cycles of overconsumption. In regards to bigger concepts, overconsumption is literally destroying our world. All of the oil we're using, the trees we're cutting down, ozone layer we're destroying- we are wrecking one of the most beautiful things in our lives due to a psychological disorder Americans (and other parts of the world too, but we Americans are the worst at it) have been nurtured into having as little kids. Who really needs all this stuff? Do I really need another dvd, a shirt (my God, how many shirts have I boughten and worn twice?), notecards, earrings, or any of it? If I look around (and I have), I really am so blessed to have what I already own! I love my room, I love my things, I love my clothes. So why do I keep needing to buy more and more? No reason at all. It's just what I have been nurtured to do- shop. It's what us girls do for pleasure. And it is full of wonderful pleasures! But the only pleasurable thing about it is admiring all the beautiful things and imagining how different my life would be if only I owned it. ha Everything I bought I felt that way about. And everything I continue to buy I will feel the exact  same way about! The things wont change me, I will change me. And I may certaintly morphe my life into a state of debt and brokeness unless I stop my cycle. I am sick and tired of scraping by. I don'y make much money, not enough to even be "comfortable", which is whatever state of rich America has created due to consumerism. However, I can be a heck of a lot more happier and comfortable with my slowly growing savings account if I spent less and saved more. More for something more meaningful than a new headband or belt. I can better spend my time- instead of shopping for things to make me "more happy", I will actually enjoy my time more by reading a really good book or exercising or baking or all of those other things I've wanted to spend more time doing. When I'm actually surrounded in my own things more, I'll even learn to appreciate them better too. But don't be freaked out- I'm not stopping spending- I'm simply not going to buy things I could really do without or find another, cheaper, or free, resource. And I'll go shopping with the girls, I just wont buy anything unless I really need or or would really truly use it. Lately I've been using my upcoming apartment as my refuge for buying so much. But really, I created a list a year ago of stuff I needed (a very big list at that!) and I have already fulfilled it. Since that list has been filled (months), I've justifed still shopping for needing to decorate my home- so that it's not just an apartment, but it's warm, and inviting, and cozy, and full of nice beautiful things. Seriously- this is a message we have been duped into believing since birth. Yes, a coat of nice paint can make a room look warm, but don't the people in the room really make the room inviting and cozy?? ha Yes. I am practically broke now, about $500 in credit card debt and only $400 in savings- so I think the time is right to cut back a bit! I really am looking forward to this. And actually, writing about it so intently tonight has made me even more excited on my New Years Resolution! So I'm gonna shut down my computer (no sense in wasting all this electricity when I'm working all day tomorrow, huh?), climb into bed, and read some more of my newly uplifting and life changing book. lol I *so* should be on Oprah. Nighty night!

So I woke up pissed off, and I hate it when I do this, because is like puts me in a grumpy mood for the rest of the day. I'm in Indianapolis! Here to have fun, do whatever, celebrate New Years, be young adults and enjoy life! Instead, I'm like pissed off at Mike for no reason. I have reasons building up, but he seriously hasn't done anything worth being so pissed at him about. I guess I really hoped he would have proposed to me for Christmas (even though I new damn well it was going to happen on an ordinary day, like he said!), and he didn't, and even though I have a feeling its still coming like really really soon (given previous hints), I'm just so wanting to be engaged that it's like I won't truly enjoy him until that happens and I know he wants to grow up and be with me forever, as he's been saying for the past year since we've gotten back together. Which (ding ding!) thats it! I have been waiting a year now, and its just the start to another year, and thats whats irking me- I didnt get what I thought I would in the year of 2007. We got back together December 2006 with him saying, I want you for life, and 2007 passed us, and while it was a GREAT year at growing even more together, getting engaged simply did not happen.
And with all of this, "grow up, let's get married" thing stuck in my head, thats why I keep getting pissed at him for going to BW3s with his friends. It does really bother me that he gets the same waitress every time he goes though. It does; Mike's a good looking guy and and girl that he sees on a regular basis is a threat. I do know I can't go through life worrying about every consistant girl in his life, but it just bugs me and makes me wonder like how he and she acts every time he goes there like every 2 days for 4-8 hours! Seriously, thats like the only place guys want to go to now- and I get it, it's a huge sports place with "good" wings and a zillion flat screen tvs with like every game on. But still. I know I'm playing the jealousy card, and I need to let it go- I know its not this waitress he goes there for. And we are going to BW3s in Indianapolis today just to watch the Steelers game later this afternoon- and it's an Indy one- not the same waitress, and we're still going. Which I guess goes to show it's the location and not the damn waitress.
He does show me he loves me and thinks Im awesome like Every Day, which  is awesome but at the same time, am I awesome enough to propose to? Is he putting off a proposal now since now that its gotten down to it, it's scared if this is the life he wants? Or is he really in full throttle still ready and planning it, and the date he planned it for still hasnt came up yet? And I'm sitting here grumpy for no reason? I suppose it could happen this weekend, in Indy, but I can't think that way!!!! Thinking this way (is it gonna happen today? What about tomorrow?) is whats getting me all pissed off because it still hasn't happened! I had a dream that I was telling someone if it doesn't happen within the next few months, I'm gonna have to rethink him. Seriously! And that thought has really been in the back of my mind. Whats stopping him from growing up?! Why hasn't it happened yet? He told me a year ago he couldnt leave me. Well, people are back now. Got to go get ready for the day and him. Who knows, maybe it will happen today, or this weekend... lol

As the title goes, were all gearing up for Christmas season now! Mom and I just made 8 dozen snickerdoodle cookies, my presents are all wrapped and under the mini Christmas tree in my bedroom, and it's been cold and snowy for the past 2 weeks now! Despite me being super excited for all the festivities coming up (and seeing what surprises Michael brought for me this Christmas!) I have been pretty super bored lately. I was all ready to be working 20 hours a week post student teaching, but I really just can't handle it! Every day I sleep in 'till noon and find myself doing little things just to pass the time away until I have to be at work. I've asked work for more hours, but of course, nothings coming through for me. I did happen to pick up my own little business though- For the past week, I have been an official Avon representative! While it's a fun project that keeps me from being beyond bored, I wish I were working more still. I think I did pretty well this first campaign, especially given I only had one week to sell. I sold approx. $225 worth of products- which earns me a whopping 50% of that- cool huh?! So I suppose there's the easy money I've been looking for! :-) For this next campaign thats going out within the next day, I have EightY catalogs to pass out- 80! So given that number, I'm hoping I'll have a ton of business again too! I was actually surprised I didn't get more buyers though, given I passed out 50 catalogs this last time around. Maybe because it was already a little too close to Christmas, and a lot of people already have everything done (like I've had for months!). 
Works been going really good for me- we've been really dead (hence me working and writing in  my journal right now... lol) and I've had a LOT of time to do whatever I feel like at work. It's been a lot of Avon training, email, and magazine reading lately. However, the downside is the morale of everyone I work with at circ. Everyone can't stand Rich, our new circ. supervisor and always complains to me (and the entire world) about him and I frankly can't stand all of this negativity. Kathy is also going on leave and administration is making more complicated than they should with approving it- which means more frustruation and gossip going on here on top of talking about Rich and how "awful" he is. Honestly, I have no problem with him. I have gone to him about wanting more hours, and while he hasn't gotten back to me about it, which bothers me, I kind of expected nothing to go through- because it never has. I dunno, I guess my mentality of going with the flow and taking what you can get and dealing with it is the the minority around here. I do stay in good moods pretty much all the time, even at work, but it still is draining coming into work and always getting told how crappy someone or something is. Everyone goes through working with different people; its a fact of life, people change, their lives change, people change jobs and move on to different places and different things. But the thing is, nobody who is left behind can stand the change when they're not in charge of the changing. Maybe it's a control thing. The thing is, Jen and Kathy both had chances to the the circ. supervisor, to be the one in charge and to make the decisions and control the atmosphere of our department. But Kathy backed out because it "wasn't worth it anymore" given how long administration was taking and the small pay increase, and Jen just doesn't like really being in charge and dealing with everything. But if one of them would've stepped up and control the changes, then they would walk around so pissed off all the time now. The good thing about Jen though is that she's been getting a lot cooler to talk to and hang out with. She does still tend to tell you everything about her life, including play-by-play conversations and text messages she's had, which gets rather annoying, but in the end, I still think I've gained a new friend because of the ease in talking to and confiding in her. She understands you and never judges you. Kathy on the other hand, o mi, she needed this leave of absense for 2 months. Ha I'm sorry, but she's been in a bad mood and all of her opinions about the changes and Rich and everybody she works with are all super negative. She like hates the world. She's so opinionated that when I try to explain why things aren't as bad as she makes them out to or the other viewpoint of things happening around here, she has a quip to everything. So basically, it's just annoying dealing with Kathy unless we're talking about something neutral like her kids. ha Herself and stuff she can control, or at least have say in. But with her leaving for a bit, I hope she comes back recharged and likes her job and coworkers again. I also hope tensions ease around here a bit with Jen not having anyone to bitch to, or at least to feed her fire like Kathy and her do. I also think maybe Rich will be cooler with Kathy gone too because he can't stand her negativity either. So we'll see. But once again, the Colleen's future is optismistic and bright! :-)

CI can't believe how much life has changed just within the past few weeks- all for the better too. I am soo content with life now. I have been removed from student teaching enough that I have gotten back into the enjoyable habits of my old life now and don't feel the stress and anxiety that Joan has caused me. I am finishing my second week back at the library, and I have never loved library work more. It is a fantastic, easy-going job that is not only easy, but fun because of the people I work with, and it has confirmed how excited I am about a life in library science now. The best part: I'm actually getting paid for working! Wow! It's a miraculous concept! lol 

Christmas is in full-steam ahead of eveyrone now. It's November 29th and I'm 95% done shopping- just Dad and Amy/Nate/Emma left! I'm really excited because tomorrow morning I'm leaving to go to Indianapolis with Grandma and Linda, and we'll be meeting Carol and Hailey and Mo down there too. Great great fun shopping and being with them... too bad I'm so friggin broke. Aww... I've got a credit card and several major coupons. So if I find something I like... I won't feel too bad charging it since I'm getting a good deal anyways. Ha The best shoppers always find good deals (aka reasons to still shop your heart out!). I watch a really touching Christmas movie last night called Noel. It was about four people's lives and how life was not good at all for them around the holidays, but then people came into their lives and touched them enough to inspire change. In the end, they all had a joyful Christmas. It made me feel really good with my life and where I'm at in it now. I'm on the verge of such exciting new possibilities... I've got everything in the world going for me right now, with no more negativity or downers. 

In a few weeks I will be starting my library science courses, then I'll be moving down to Indy in July and graduating a year and a half from then (summer 2009). Mike will be moving in with me, and what's even more exciting- I'll be engaged then! Mike (unfortunately was spoiling the surprise of proposing, for all good reasons) told me last weekend that he's been preparing a suprise for proposing to me lately. He said he was originally going to propose on my birthday next year, but after Weath interjected, and he agreed "why wait so long?", he's moved it up. He did say something about a few weeks away... eee So I don't know if it's going to happen on Christmas, New Years, or a random day after he ges his bonus check in the middle of January! But it's going to happen! And it's so crazy (but amazing at the same time) to hear him talking about if our son can play football and get into the NFL (ha!), and buy a house together, and excitement for moving out of his house and living together in Indianapolis. Every day he tells me how serious he is about me and how awesome and gorgous I am and how sooo much he loves me. I'm getting my happy ending, Avril Lavigne! ha Just a year ago I was crying my heart out wanting to be with him. Now I get to spend another Christmas with him in less than a month, and get to enjoy the holidays with my man (the greatest man ever!) and know that he  actually loves me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me! I feel soooo blessed. Thank you, God, for putting him in my life, and impacting both of our lives enough so that we have truly found each other, and the love in each other, in a sense so strong it's completely unbreakable now. EEEEEE! Well, I'm offa work in 15 minutes, and off to meet Michael for lunch at Lunkers! Eeee :)
 

I can't believe it's been over 2 months since I've written on here. 2 months. 2 months my life has just whirled right in front of my eyes. I don't have many memories that stick out from the last 2 months. Sad. I've been student teaching, the most dreaded requirement of my bachelor's degree, but I did it. I did it! :-) I have one week to go of just observations and writing summative papers. Wow. All the hard work is over. The hardest part of my next week is probably boredom, and waking up at 6 am everyday... 

While I've experienced stress every day of my life for the past 2 months, and probably more on the weekends because I know I'm slacking in all the work that lies ahead of me or still needs to get done before my week resumes, I've tried to enjoy day to day the best that I possibly could. For the most part, I really did though. I found the kids. Sarah, Tiffanie, Zack, Lexi, Elizabeth, Austin, Victor... everyone else. I'm going to really miss them. They all brought smiles to my every day. They really taught me to enjoy the simple things in life again. They also made me learn more about the world around myself (especially my geography) and how school that we're all faced with today is a life lesson. Most issues you have in school will never go away- so learn the most you can from them. 

I've tried, and for the most part successfully, put the negativity from Mrs. Smith away. She got really angry with me over two stupid issues (regarding public policy papers) on my last day of teaching 7th grade. She really made me feel like this entire time I've taught her classes that I've really disappointed her. Simply becaue I had control of her class, not her, and because she couldn't control everything, she took it out on me because I was in control. I've talked with Sara Sage over this, because she's still pretty hasty and rude towards me (she made it quite clear she didnt want me in her classroom to observe the kids since I've finished full-time teaching there), and Sara keeps reminding me that it's her own personal issues, not mine. She's the one being unprofessional; but she is also the one evaluating me. I'll get that evaluation this Thursday. Mike also keeps reminding me to just blow her off  because I was really in this for the kids, not Mrs. Smith. Besides, he thinks the only reason that Mrs. Smith can't stand me now is because how much all the kids love me and want me back in her classroom teaching them, not her. Which ironically, she was so crazily rude to me right after one of the girls came up to me and said they missed me and wanted me back in their class to teach them. :) The only really hard part is that some of the 7th graders are mad at me (especially Ashley Classon) because they think I've abandonded them. What sucks is I really want to be there. Mrs. Smith just doesn't want me there. And I can't tell them that Mrs. Smith doesn't want me there and she's the only reason I'm not; she's their teacher for the entire rest of the year and they'll hate her for it. If it got back to Mrs. Smith that I told the kids the truth about why I'm not there now, it would be extremely unprofessional-looking of me. So either way, I just gotta keep going and try to remember why they're upset at me- all for good reasons :)

The only other real event that's stuck out in my mind that's happened in the past 2 months was a much-needed trip down to Ball State. Me, Mike, and Chris all rode down to see Heather and Mo and their roomates for a weekend of tailgaiting and drinking. Much much fun!! I was definately a party pooper both nights, but hey, my workload was so much more demanding than anybody else's life at that time. I know Heather was upset at my not being able to stay up late, but hey, what could I do? I was dead by 9:30 pm like I have been every night for the past 2 months! It was also good bonding time with Mo; we got very drunk together and then could only take about 15 minutes of the football game before we called it quits and walked 15 miles back to her dorm and fell asleep (aka passed out) .lol There was also a huge debocle Saturday night with tow trucks. Unfortunately, Layla already had the boot on her before the guys ran down there to save us, so Mike shelled out 50 bucks just to take it off. RIDICULOUS! We were all so pissed off the cops came. Unfortunately, the legend lives and Muncie cops are dicks and don't know what they're doing. They threatened to arrest Mike and Chris just because the cops couldn't answer their questions over where we actually can legitimatly park. ha 

What else... Mike. As always, things are fantastic. He's really turned around and is so obviously dedicated to me now. By his wishes, he spends typically 5 out of 7 days with me over her. He loooves to just come over and sleep with me to cuddle and to wake up in the morning together. It's so... weirdly amazing. The only thing, I don't think it can get any better than what we have now (and have been having) that I'm worried it's going to go downhill before he proposes to me. With the way he's been acting towards me since we've gotten back together 10 months ago, I don't know why he hasn't popped the question yet. I know school is a factor. But I really don't give a shit about waiting till I'm out of school anymore to get married. What's the point when we're going to be living together during school down in Indy anyways? I'm really deep down hoping he asks me to marry him on Christmas. It would be so magical. And so perfect. So coming. In a sad way, it would actually kinda hurt my feelings if he wouldn't ask me then. Cuz then it would just be more waiting for I dont know what reason anymore. We spend already sooo incredibly much time together. I'm just sooo ready to take it to the next level, and I'm pretty damn sure he is too. He's been soo open with talking about being married, and our honeymoon, and Claire being our flower girl, and that Mo is wrong that he won't ever ask, and constantly telling me how in love with me he is, that he doesn't even look at other girls anymore except in noticing they're good looking, and the list goes on. It's just... too good to be true. I'm afraid that because a date isn't set yet, that something can still happen with him and me in a negative way. Like what's holding it up? The only thing that he could be waiting for is his next and last AM General bonus (approx $8000) for a ring. That will be in Feb... so maybe. But I dunno, he knows I don't need a superexpensive ring to be happy. But he does know my dream ring is $2000. lol So I suppose I need to keep reminding myself that it's coming, it really is, and worrying about will just make it so much less special when it actually does happen. Being proposed to because of pressure would make it the absolute worst feeling in the world. That's just why I so think it can happen any day, because of how crazy in love he acts towards me. It's like its so perfect I don't know why it hasn't happened yet. Thats also why I'm still scared. Fear that it wont happen simply because if it's going to happen, it should happen now because of the way he feels. So I guess thats it, it didnt happen 2 months ago, 2 weeks ago, or 2 days ago. It prolly wont happen 2 days from now or 2 weeks from now. So quit worrying about 2 months from now. As long as it's not 12 months from now, I should be content. He did tell me it's definately been on his mind a few months ago, but not to get my hopes up that it will happen anytime soon. ... unless thats just a ploy... lol But seriously, he did say next year it will happen. So I'll just keep waiting for my prince to arrive and in the mean time, truly enjoy the time I get to spend with him before he leaves to school in Indy in 3 months. Goodnight